The Beginning
by MuffledWalnut
Summary: Commander Shepard has become the first human Spectre and must stop Saren Arterius from bringing back the Reapers. But her trials on Akuze haunt her every step and Shepard struggles to be both a commander and a friend. A re-imagining that follows the storyline of the first Mass Effect, but is not meant to be a novelization of the game.
1. Past Thoughts, Present Friends

**Hi to everyone! This is my first story published, and I'm a little nervous about it. The whole thing is actually already written, so expect more chapters to follow quickly. I wanted to give myself some extra room for editing, etc. Some notes about the story: I followed the story line of the first Mass Effect, but purposefully skipped writing major missions, unless they were useful for my character development. I didn't want to make a novelization of the game, but expand on the original story, specifically the down time on the ship where the crew would interact with each other. I'm excited to get to Mass Effect 3 and what I see for Shepard's future, but felt like I needed to spend time developing who I thought my Shepard was. So here it is! I would love any feedback you guys have for me. Corrections, suggestions, criticisms? All are welcome. I look forward to any chance to improve my writing, and I'm excited to learn what my readers think. **

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_The Beginning_

Shepard stood at the galaxy map, staring as the hologram swirled before her. The light reflected on her face showing prominent cheekbones that accented her violet eyes. Shepard had a strong jaw, enhanced by the stubborn set of her mouth. Her honey colored hair was tied up in the usual Alliance fashion; not a hair was out of place. There were even a handful of light freckles that spilled across her nose and onto her cheeks. Shepard's skin still showed her relative youth, but her eyes reflected experience beyond her years.

Spectre. She was the first human Spectre, an honor she could not quite believe. The title hovered over her, but could not yet fit next to the part of her that she already knew: she was Commander Shepard, Alliance Military. She could feel the pressure of what she was being asked to do like an anchor in her stomach. To the Council, she was just pursuing a dangerous rouge Spectre to bring him into justice. The Council didn't believe her warnings about the Conduit, about the Reapers. But she knew they existed and she knew that if she didn't succeed in stopping Saren the entire galaxy would fall, just like she saw in the vision from the beacon.

The Normandy was a ship any soldier would dream of, all straight lines and gleaming technology. The most advanced ship in the Alliance and she was given command of it. She felt the crew watching her, waiting for orders. She didn't deserve this; she had only done her duty. Her mind flashed to when she had first enlisted. Her mother had come to see her off, back straight with pride for her only daughter.

"You made the right choice; the Alliance is in our blood. Make me proud and remember your duty," her mother had said.

She had appeared again to see her off the first time Shepard had been given her own command. It was shortly after Akuze; everyone called her a survivor. But for the first time Shepard had felt defeated, and her mother read that in her posture_. If only I had managed distance from them, hadn't started to care, maybe they would still be alive_, Shepard was thinking, before she had shook her head to clear it of the ghosts. In the first show of tenderness Shepard had gotten from her mother in a long time, Hannah Shepard had briefly touched Shepard's cheek.

"You cannot love them when you're their commander. Comradery on such a close ship is inevitable, but you understand why you cannot get too involved. It will only hurt you," her mother hesitated before continuing, "and them. If you love one, you make bad choices for the others. If you love them all, you make bad choices for the mission. There is no room for love in the Alliance. You can have passion for what you do, and pride for what you've accomplished, but there is no room for love."

"Is that why you left Father?" Shepard had countered, irritated to be lectured. Hannah's brow furrowed as a shadow crossed her eyes. She simply repeated, "There is no room for love in the Alliance."

_Not even room for your only daughter_, Shepard thought now, before chastising herself for being petty. She supposed her mother had done the best she could while always away. Father was an Alliance soldier as well, but Shepard hadn't seen or heard from him since her mother left and took Shepard with her.

Shepard finally pulled herself out of her thoughts and selected their destination on the map for Joker. Therum. The daughter of Matriarch Benezia was there studying Prothean ruins; why Udina expected Dr. T'Soni to help them against her own mother was anyone's guess, but it couldn't hurt to try. Or maybe it would hurt. Asari were famed for their biotic skills and all it took was one good singularity when her shields were down; Shepard resolved to bring Wrex along, just in case. Shepard and Wrex together were nearly invincible, both up close fighters with shotguns and powerful biotics. Coupled with a tech expert like Tali, or a sniper like Garrus, it seemed like only an army could stop them. Some soldiers criticized her style of fighting; they said it took no skill. She viciously disagreed. It took a lot of skill to manage such a high risk-reward type of fighting. If her initial barrage of biotics and shotgun blasts didn't kill the enemy immediately, Shepard was incredibly vulnerable; her biotics had to cool and her barrier was likely already taken down. Shepard also thought those soldiers that criticized her wouldn't have the quad to charge a fully grown krogan like she was regularly forced to do

Shepard finally stepped away from the galaxy map and headed for the lower deck. They had been constantly moving since Eden Prime, and her stomach screamed for some breakfast. She found Ashley there with the same idea and brought her bowl of cereal to sit across from her. She had discovered that Chief Williams had an unexpected love of poetry, something she liked to tease her about. Shepard had always been one for prose, preferring a well told story. Anyone could write a fourteen line sonnet; a novel took effort. Ashley violently disagreed, claiming the ability to construct something with such limited words was the real challenge. In any case, the discussion had brought them together, and Shepard found herself seeking Ashley's company even if she had to be careful about how close they got.

"Morning, Skipper. Joker crash the ship yet?" Ashley asked.

"Not quite, Chief, though he did threaten to go close to some asteroids if I didn't hurry up and set the destination," Shepard commented.

"Something on your mind?" Ashley looked up from her food. Shepard kicked herself for the slip; Ashley was always too perceptive. _There's no room for love in the Alliance. It will only hurt you, and them. _

"It's nothing," Shepard lied

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Williams tried to play it cool as Shepard joined her in the mess. It was morning, but most of the crew were trying to catch up on sleep; they had been constantly going since Eden Prime, after all. They were on their way to Therum, looking for an asari doctor named Liara T'Soni, but Ash always got bored of the down time between missions. Even listening to her mail from home hadn't calmed down her stir-crazy mind. The commander sat quiet and stoic, like always. Despite eating together every morning, Ashley had managed to get surprisingly little information out of Shepard. It was no wonder her peers referred to her as…cold. On the vids Shepard was charismatic and funny, but that person never appeared off camera. It was a performance Shepard pulled out for the Alliance vids and then quickly shrugged off for her usual icy demeanor. But Ashley saw something else in Shepard. They were small flashes, quickly hidden behind her mask of professionalism: a smile at something someone said, the look of concern when someone was hurt. And Shepard listened patiently to any criticisms given about the missions as well as any random stories Ashley felt like sharing from home. It was one of the reasons Shepard's crew was always so loyal to her. But it was frustrating that one minute she could think they were almost friends, and then Shepard would just shut down and shut her out, becoming Commander Shepard once again. No one had ever gotten Shepard to be more than the commander.

Tali soon joined them, giving a hilarious rendition of the scene happening in the cargo hold between Wrex and Garrus. It was supposedly all in good fun, but Shepard did worry a little about if things went too far. Wrex and Garrus seemed to get along, but there was long standing animosity between turians and krogan that could easily be brought to the surface. The banter had started with a number of testicles joke, but Tali left once she thought it was getting a bit intimate for her tastes. Shepard was definitely worried; she didn't hear any loud noises from the hold, but…

"You'll never relax until you go check on them. I'll make sure your breakfast stays warm," Tali's distinct voice came through the speakers on her envirosuit. Shepard nodded her thanks and hurried off towards the elevator.

Like always when she was forced to use the elevator, Shepard cursed the very metal it was made of. The most advanced ship in the Alliance also contained the most frustratingly slow elevator. More than once, Shepard had just thought about attaching a rope to repel down the elevator shaft; it would be quicker than waiting for this thing to move itself. Finally the doors slid open, revealing Garrus locked in a biotic field while Wrex grinned.

"Playing nice, are we?" Shepard asked.

"Of course, Shepard. This is just good old fashioned hot air," Wrex replied, giving her a thump on the back that nearly threw her to the ground. So far the krogan was the only one who could mess with Shepard like that and get away with it. In some ways, Shepard thought, Wrex could almost be a brother. _Stop it, Shepard. You can't think like that. Don't get too close_.

"Ah. And what were you discussing?" Shepard asked. Garrus was still being suspended by Wrex's biotic field so Wrex replied, "We were just having a nice chat about the genophage."

"A nice chat, huh? And that's why you're still holding Garrus hostage? Did he give you a reply you didn't want to hear?" Shepard asked.

"Of course! He's a turian! Though he makes a fair point that we probably would've done the same thing if it had been the choice between that and defeat. But then he insulted my mother," Wrex gave a mischievous grin.

"Ha! Well I'm sure he's done his time. Let him go and we'll all enjoy some breakfast," Shepard said and the three comrades stepped onto the elevator to join the rest of their crew.


	2. An Encounter With An Archaeologist

The chance to finally be off the ship came as a relief even if it meant mildly cooking inside of her armor on Therum.

"Shepard, do you think you could manage to stop flirting with the molten lava?" Wrex muttered.

It seemed only the huge krogan could get away with comments like that to the commander. Maybe it was because the krogan seemed unfazed when Shepard leveled that infamous stare at him. In any case, Shepard gave a rare smirk and continued to drive the Mako across Therum's volcanic surface. She really was a terrible driver. Tali and Wrex had iron grips on the handles in the Mako; if only there was something to keep them from getting whiplash too. The Mako had environmental controls, fortunately, but the vehicle could only go so far before they had to abandon it and travel the narrow passages on foot. Wrex barely seemed to notice, but Shepard thought Tali looked distinctly uncomfortable. She guessed Tali's suit had as much ventilation as her armor. That is: none. There was going to be so much chafing later.

Shepard was relieved that the temperature in the Prothean ruins was several degrees cooler. It wasn't enough to be comfortable, but it was slightly less miserable. A few geth were waiting for them inside, but they were easily handled with a biotic charge and a shotgun. The ruins were surprisingly unspectacular and nothing like Shepard had been imagining. She thought the inside would feel alien and distinctly Prothean. Instead, it just felt industrial, though some of that could have been due to the mining crews. There were several oval openings in the walls as the elevator descended, all filled with florescent light and seemingly empty.

"Hello? Can you hear me out there? I'm trapped; I need help!" A voice rang out, slightly distorted. Shepard turned to see one of the oval openings wasn't empty. An asari was there floating, trapped by some mass effect field. Shepard was wary, trying to determine if this could somehow be a trap.

"We can hear you. Are you Dr. T'Soni, Matriarch Benezia's daughter?" Shepard called out.

"Must everyone immediately associate me with Benezia? By the Goddess, I am an adult, not a child gone missing from her mother," Liara said. Liara looked slightly upset, but it was hard to tell through the barrier and even harder to take her seriously while she dangled in the air.

"It wouldn't matter to me normally, but Matriarch Benezia is working with Saren. Whose side are you on?" Shepard asked.

"I am not on any side! I haven't even spoken to my mother in Goddess knows how long. Besides, I'm hardly in a position to negotiate. Would you get me out of here if I told you I was on your side?" Liara replied.

Shepard actually laughed out loud before she said, "I suppose I wouldn't leave you like this no matter what side you were on. How do you suppose I get you out of this thing?"

"I'm not sure. The barrier curtain was to keep the geth out—can you believe it? Geth outside the Veil—and the controls to lower it are in here. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a very good security system. You'll have to find a way around, though I'm not sure how," Liara said, biting her lip.

"Right….I'll work on that," Shepard said.

As she turned to see what kind of solution she could work out, a bullet smashed against her shields causing them to ripple around her. Shepard spotted the shooter immediately: geth sniper. Shepard leapt over the railing and used her biotics to cushion her legs when she landed on the ground several feet below. She charged off into the closest geth causing him to reel back until she took off the unit's head with her shotgun. She repeated this until she stood surrounded by inactive machine parts.

"Commander, while we were fighting I noticed that large piece of machinery. I believe it's the mining laser they used to reach the Prothean ruins. A well placed shot could get us to the unit below Liara. Then we would only have to find the way up to her," Tali said, motioning to the hulking metal structure.

"Tali, you're a genius! Let's get this thing working," Shepard said.

"Yeah, playing with a laser is a great idea, especially when it causes big things to fall on our heads," Wrex mumbled behind them. Shepard glared at him, but kept moving forward. She did accept that this mission might soon require a quick exit.

The laser did just what Tali said, and soon they were moving upwards on a Prothean elevator they found at the back of the oval. When the three of them walked up behind her, Liara seemed amazed.

"I honestly didn't believe anyone would get through that. Goddess, I'm so relieved. There's a button over there that should release me," Liara said. Shepard walked to it, but hesitated with her hand hovering over the switch. She wasn't completely sure of Liara yet, and Liara saw this from the corner of her eye. "I promise I am not going to attack you. I am not my mother," Liara said, heatedly.

Shepard sighed, hitting the release button. Liara dropped suddenly, barely managing to balance on wobbly legs. Shepard instinctively reached a hand out and supported her underneath her elbow. Their eyes locked, making Shepard feel uncomfortable. A rumble through the ruins brought their immediate attention to other problems, however.

"Did you say that you, an unlicensed operator, used a mining laser in unstable ancient ruins?" Liara asked. Wrex grumbled again, and Shepard shrugged.

"What else was I supposed to do? Ask 'by your leave' and hightail it out of here for you to die in a bubble?" Shepard quipped back.

Liara shuffled, embarrassed. Shepard surprised herself by giving Liara a friendly nudge and a small smile to show she had been joking. The ruin rumbled again, but this time they saw debris crashing down where the mining laser was. They jogged to the elevator in the center and quickly punched the button to make it move.

The elevator came up to the level they needed, but their exit was blocked. A large krogan stood at the head of a geth squad, and all of their guns were trained on them.

"Thank you for taking care of the barrier curtain; we were having trouble with it on our own. We'll take the doctor now, and no one gets hurt," the krogan growled.

"Liara is with me; you aren't taking her anywhere!" Shepard spit back. She missed how Liara smiled with pleasure at Shepard's claim.

The krogan bared his teeth saying, "Kill them. Keep the asari alive if you can."

Biotics crackled around Shepard instantly, projecting her across the room faster than any human should have been able to move. She was just a blue blaze, setting enemies on fire as she moved. Wrex battled with the other krogan, giving Shepard the time to quickly take out the geth. These were smaller units and not necessarily difficult, but they liked to come up behind you. This either trapped Shepard between two enemies, or trapped her _and_ took her shields down. Neither situation was pleasant to get out of. One geth tried to go after Liara, who was crouched behind the elevator podium, but then it was ripped in half by the blue blaze that was Shepard. Shepard looked over her shoulder to check that Liara was okay, her biotics flickering in the reflection of her eyes. Liara couldn't decide if this human was beautiful or terrifying. Maybe she was both.

Shepard then turned her attention to the enemy krogan. Wrex was doing his best, but the other krogan had impressive barriers that regenerated faster than any she had seen. Tali kept the krogan's attention divided with her combat drone, Chitikka, and used her tech expertise to keep his shotgun overheated so it wouldn't fire. Overall, they hadn't managed much of a dent, but they had made the krogan incredibly angry. Shepard motioned to Wrex and together they hit the krogan with a dual warp, causing the krogan barriers to finally flicker and fade away. It also seemed to knock the breath out of the krogan who reeled back. Shepard took the opportunity to charge straight into his chest, the biotics punching in his armor and knocking him flat. Two blasts from her shotgun and the krogan lay still. Shepard felt almost sorry for him; three on one, it was like wolves taking down a deer.

The ruins rumbled again, almost throwing Shepard to the ground. She ran to Liara and offered the hand that didn't have thick blood slicked across it. The four of them began to run with Shepard at the rear, pushing Liara along in front of her. The air was choked with smoke and dust; even Shepard's helmet wasn't equipped to deal with the amount of particles it had to filter to get to the air. The oxygen was coming into the helmet slowly, but was being burned too fast by Shepard's running. Soon she was lightheaded, unsure if she was still going the right direction. She saw the gleam of Tali's suit and was comforted that she at least hadn't lost the group. She felt Liara's hand latch onto the back of her armor while they continued to run. Liara had fallen behind, and was struggling the most against the air without a helmet of any kind. Holding onto Shepard's armor at least pulled her forward and finally they broke out of the ruins. Shepard ripped her helmet off and bent over her knees trying to breathe. Finally standing straight, Shepard gently removed the hand Liara still had tightly clutched to the plating on Shepard's back. But instead of dropping the hand like Liara expected, Shepard arranged Liara's arm across her shoulders, taking on her weight as they walked to the ship that landed nearby. Liara was grateful for the commander's insight; she was feeling so very dizzy.


	3. In Interesting Interaction

**Hey there again! I posted these first chapters really quickly because they were already ready. The next few may be a little slower; I have an idea to add into this next chapter or the one after. So bear with me, and thanks for reading. As always, reviews, suggestions, and criticisms are always welcome! I'd love to make my writing better!**

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_She's so beautiful_. The thought kept playing on a loop through Shepard's mind as she watched Dr. T'Soni. It was early in the morning, too soon for much of the crew to be awake, but Shepard's nightmares from the Prothean beacon had forced her out of bed early. Shepard wondered what had gotten Liara out of bed so early; maybe her sleep cycle wasn't synced to the Normandy yet. The asari was rummaging through cabinets looking for breakfast; Shepard was right around the corner, suddenly unsure of herself. Liara hadn't fit into the crew very well; the other members were suspicious of her, especially Ashley. This made Shepard feel guilty for not being more welcoming, especially after the way the first debriefing with Liara had gone. The others hadn't been very kind in their assessment of Liara's loyalties. Shepard was sure they would warm up to her eventually; the asari seemed very kind, if a little socially awkward. Shepard smiled a little as she remembered one of her first conversations with Liara. The asari had called her an 'interesting subject for an in-depth study' and then wildly backtracked when she thought she had offended Shepard.

Still, Liara had taken her first few meals alone in the room behind the medbay. Shepard wanted badly to get to know her and make her feel welcome, but was hesitant. It was safer to just be Commander Shepard and not be her friend. Instead, Shepard found herself pushing off from the wall she had been leaning on to help Liara find her meal.

"Having some trouble?" Shepard asked. Liara looked up quickly from the ketchup she had been examining in the refrigerator.

"Shepard! I was just trying to find something to eat. I'm afraid I'm not familiar with human foods," Liara said. Her posture showed that she was wary; Shepard wondered what Liara had heard about her. Shepard reached over her shoulder, took the ketchup away from her, and put it back in the fridge.

"You aren't going to want that. I usually just have some cereal for breakfast, but how about I make us some eggs? We just restocked on the Citadel so we have some fresh food for a while," Shepard said. Without waiting for a response, she started pulling out the ingredients she wanted as well as a pan to cook them in. She felt Liara watching her closely, trying to discover what her friendly gesture meant. Shepard suddenly felt even guiltier; the ship had been so unwelcoming that Liara was suspicious of breakfast. She pushed onward, finally achieving two cheesy omelets; Shepard wasn't a cook, but anything that involved eggs or pasta were second nature. Shepard set the plates and a couple of bottled waters on the table and waited for Liara to join her; she had been leaning on the counter watching her work. Once Liara was there and in front of her, Shepard found herself once again at a loss for words. She was grateful when Liara broke the silence first.

"Are you checking up on me, Commander?" Liara asked. Shepard cocked her head in surprise at the question.

"In the sense that I was worried about how you were settling in, yes. Dr. Chakwas updated me after you saw her and assured me you were fine, but I know the crew hasn't been easy on you," Shepard said. "I guess I also wanted to tell you that it'll get better. They'll warm up."

"And you, Commander? You have been avoiding me," Liara said timidly. Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, embarrassed.

"I apologize. I didn't intend to avoid you; I was doing some thinking. But I trust you, Liara. I think you've been honest with me in regards to your mother. I hope you'll settle in as part of the Normandy's crew," Shepard said.

"I appreciate that a great deal, Commander. I…thank you for breakfast," Liara said. Neither of them seemed to be adept at navigating awkward social situations. Other crew members had started to arrive in the mess for the first meal of the day, but if they seemed surprised to see Shepard eating with Liara they did not show it.

Kaidan had arrived in the mess for breakfast as well, and he headed straight for Shepard to give her the mission update. However, Shepard was lost in her thoughts about Liara and didn't even acknowledge when he started speaking to her. He reached a hand out and touched her on the arm, to get her attention. The atmosphere around Shepard suddenly went cold, and the full glare of those violet eyes was levelled at Kaidan. Alenko withdrew his hand immediately, and flew directly into the brief for today's mission to try and cover his mistake. After a few moments, Liara saw the commander thaw and offer Kaidan a small smile.

It had been a small incident, but noticeable. Liara had watched them closely, confused. Many of the human crew members touched each other playfully or to get attention, like Kaidan did. Shepard had also been very casual about helping Liara on Therum. Liara thought maybe Alliance regulations were stricter in this case than she realized, but she thought she had seen Ashley do the same thing not a day before. She decided she didn't understand humans; she would ask the quarian, Tali, for advice since she had been on the ship with the humans longer.


	4. A Talk Between Friends

**So I know my last note said it might take longer for these next chapters to come out, but I was wrong! Turns out I work fast once I get into it. It also helps that my college classes are only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I apologize to anyone if you don't like my portrayal of Liara in this story. I liked viewing her as innocent, but she's also 106 and her crippling level of shyness was frustrating to me when I played the first game. She's still a little awkward, but I wanted her to be more confident. Anyway, enjoy! As always, I love reading reviews so I hope you let me know what you think!**

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_A Talk Between Friends_

Liara followed through on her decision from earlier, making her way to the elevator that would take her to the cargo hold and subsequently the engineering deck. As she stood in the elevator inching its way downward, she finally understood the many curses she had heard Shepard direct towards it. When the metal door slid down to let her off, Liara sensed Ashley's glare before she actually saw it. Liara tried to keep her head up and shoulders straight in a show of confidence, but she wavered in the elevator for a moment. She hadn't thought about whether she was allowed to wander the ship. _Well, there are other non-humans down here. I can't see why they would only restrict me_, Liara thought. Though secretly, she added that she could be the only one restricted because of Benezia.

No one made any moves to stop her. Wrex had glanced up once before going back to…whatever he usually did standing next to that wall. Ashley continued to watch her, but tried to pretend that she was still servicing rifles at her station. Garrus barely even seemed to notice someone had walked out of the elevator. Liara turned from all of them to walk into engineering with Ashley's eyes drilling a hole through her head.

"Tali," Liara said coming up behind the quarian. "Do you have a moment to talk?"

Liara couldn't tell if Tali was surprised to see her because of her helmet, but the quarian nodded and headed towards the door.

"Of course, Liara," Tali said. Liara was relieved that Tali had informally used her first name; it was a good sign. "Why don't we go back up to the crew deck? You've got that room behind the medbay? We could talk privately there. Feel free to page me next time and you won't have to come all the way down."

Liara felt a little relieved to hear her say 'next time'. Tali apparently didn't see her as a threat. Liara wondered if it was also nice to have another female alien on the mostly human ship, even if Liara wasn't strictly a female. Liara could see how it might have felt lonely.

The elevator finally managed to get them to the crew deck, and the two of them walked towards Liara's room. Not for the first time, Liara wondered why she had been given a private room instead of bunking with the others. Was it easier to keep tabs on her if she was in a room by herself? Maybe Shepard thought it would be cruel to keep her so close to Ashley. Liara shook her head to clear her thoughts and offered Tali a seat on her cot, while she sat in her computer chair. Liara was almost positive Dr. Chakwas could hear everything that happened or was talked about in this back room, but the older woman had been very considerate and did not seem to gossip.

"So, what's up?" Tali started the conversation.

"I find myself in need of advice. It's about Shepard, or maybe humans in general, I'm not sure," Liara said, twisting her hands in her nervousness.

"You want to know why Shepard does that hot and cold thing. According to conversations I've heard between other crew members it isn't normal for humans," Tali said, guessing where she was going immediately.

"Has anyone ever said why? I'm terrified I'll do or say something to offend her," Liara said.

Tali looked slightly uncomfortable, maybe even a little guilty.

"I've heard some theories, and I may have done some research of my own. Most of the crew members speculate that is had something to do with Akuze. Did you ever hear about that thresher maw attack? It was very atypical for that world and they made a big deal about it because one human managed to survive when the rest of the team was killed. We're talking an all-night, one on one encounter with multiple thresher maws on foot. Shepard was that human," Tali said. She paused to let the information sink in before continuing, "Everyone called her a hero after that. I originally thought her behavior might be because of the emotional trauma of being alone in the dark with a thresher maw, except…I hacked the Alliance psychologist's files on her. She says her friend—I think Elise Nissa was the name—was killed by the thresher maw, but Shepard went after her anyway. They were apparently very close. The report to the Alliance noted that they should follow up on the commander due to 'likelihood of self-destructive tendencies out of guilt'. The Alliance still commended her, even after the psych report. She had held out against a thresher maw for over 12 hours straight—7 of those hours were alone—until someone answered the distress call."

Liara was stunned, but finally asked, "So you think that's it? She feels guilty so she won't let herself care about anyone else?"

"I'm not sure, Liara, but she sets very strict boundaries around herself. I might not even have the whole story. I could only get pieces of the reports," Tali said.

"But I don't understand. She's been more than friendly towards me, and seems on good terms with Ashley Williams," Liara protested.

"Well according to…oh what's the word they use here... shuttle butt? Ashley Williams has been dogging her for weeks, and finally broke Shepard into a somewhat reluctant, on Shepard's part, acquaintance. Shepard does seem to genuinely enjoy her conversations with Ashley, thought she makes a point of pushing her away when she gets too personal," Tali said. She then looked briefly uncomfortable before continuing, "The thing about you is that Shepard was so friendly, so quickly. Anyone could tell you had an interest in the commander, and the crew made a few jokes. But they thought you would be quickly rejected, like Kaidan. But the commander didn't; it's like she's another woman. The crew doesn't know what to make of it, and I don't either. No one can figure out how you became the exception to Shepard's rule."

"I do admit to some interest in the commander that may have started with her connection to the beacon," Liara said, blushing, "but Shepard certainly hasn't expressed a romantic interest in me. You said something about Shepard's rule? I don't think I understand what you mean by that."

"The team started to refer to Shepard's personality quirk as Shepard's rule. It basically means that you can tell Shepard any personal problem that you want and she'll gladly help you, but if you try to pry into her personal problems she'll freeze you out. Kela, she never breaks the illusion: that picture you have of her being able to do anything. Sometimes I think she's not a real person," Tali said, shaking her head.

"I wonder, Tali, how did you manage to learn all of this?"

Tali just shrugged. "Quarians spend their lives in tight knit groups on our ships. We're a family and we know everything about each other; if someone wants to keep something private, we find out anyway. The Normandy is like a big, albeit dysfunctional, family. Plus, I've been really bored during the downtime between missions."

"Well, I'm grateful you shared all your hard work with me," Liara said. She thought she saw a smile behind Tali's mask. "Tali, if you want a break from Engineering, you could always come bunk in here. I've got so much room compared to the rest of you."

"Thanks, Liara. I'll probably keep to the lower deck; the sound of the engines is comforting to me. But I'm always available if you want to talk again," Tali said.

Tali moved to the door, leaving Liara with her thoughts.


	5. An Unwanted Return

**First, I know this chapter is ridiculously short. However, my original draft of the story forgot to include the encounter with Toombs, which will be very significant when my Shepard gets to ME2 and has to deal with Cerberus. You may also notice that the rating for this story changed from T to M. This is for some language and violence, but mostly because of the short scene before Ilos. I don't really write smut, but there's a little bit there. So you have been warned. I have also finished this entire story and the chapters are about to start being published like crazy. To anyone who likes the suspense of chapters being revealed: sorry. This is my first story and I'm so excited to get it out there and move Shepard into ME2 that I just can't hold back. The sequel to this will be published more systematically.**

* * *

An Unwanted Return

Corporal Toombs. The psychotic bastard was still alive. Shepard stood still, staring at him. She couldn't believe her eyes. He had been one of the five. One of the five men that she…no. It was a mistake. She hadn't been thinking clearly. It was only a few days until the anniversary of the attack on Akuze. It was on her mind. Maybe she was imagining Toombs. But then he spoke.

"Commander Shepard. You aren't the only survivor from Akuze. You aren't the only one who knows what the great hero did, how Commander Shepard failed," Toombs jeered. He held his gun to the head of a scientist, Dr. Wayne.

"How are you still alive, Toombs? I saw that thresher maw. If you had been alive, I would've come after you!" Shepard said, almost pleading.

"Really? You would have saved me? Somehow I doubt that," Toombs laughed. "However, despite your betrayal, the real threat is Cerberus. They released those damn thresher maws on out unit. We were an 'experiment'. Our lives were expendable! They were so pleased when they later found me alive and then they kept me alive for their tests. This bastard is one of them, and he will die for what they did to me." Toombs jammed his pistol harder into Dr. Wayne's temple.

"Look, Toombs, we'll make Wayne stand trial for what he did. He can't escape justice anymore. He can even give us more intel on Cerberus and help us take them down. But you have to lower that gun. Then we can get treatment for you. I can help you," Shepard said.

Toombs looked like he was calming down until that last sentence. He pushed Dr. Wayne away and turned his gun on Shepard.

"Help me?" He screamed hysterically, "you left me for dead! Me and the others. We needed you! Instead, you went running after that bitch of yours, Elise. Then you sat crying next to her hole in the ground and let a thresher maw kill us. You didn't even fucking turn around to look, Shepard!"

The minute he mentioned Elise's name, something in Shepard broke. She knocked his gun away and shoved Toombs against the wall, her arm against his throat.

"How dare you! How dare you mention her! I did look back, Toombs! I thought you guys were dead. No one was moving and another thresher maw was coming, so I ran!" Shepard's face hardened into a dark mask. "Maybe I should just kill you and be fully guilty of my crime!"

Shepard felt a soft touch on her shoulder and her anger started to leech away. Liara. Of course it was Liara.

"Shepard, you are not a murderer. Corporal Toombs is sick and he needs help. He needs _your_ help. So please, let him go," Liara said gently.

"Toombs isn't the one I wanted to save," Shepard said quietly.

Nevertheless, Shepard removed her arm and Toombs fell back to the ground with a shuddering breath. She dispatched a message to Alliance command and stuck around on Ontarom long enough to see them take Toombs and Dr. Wayne. Then she turned and stomped back onto the Normandy.


	6. A Dark Mind

**First, a thank you to everyone who has read this far, especially the ones who followed the story. I would have been incredibly discouraged if no one on this entire site liked my story.**

**Second, a special shout out and thank you to **kmcmillen423 **for giving me my first review ever. **

**Finally, I hope you enjoy this next chapter! You get a look into my Shepard's mind and a little more insight into Akuze. **

* * *

_A Dark Mind_

The crew filed into debriefing, tired. The mission on Feros had been long and hard with relentless waves of geth being thrown at them. Plus, they then had to kill the strange plant Thorian thralls that spewed some poisonous liquid at them. But Shepard had gotten what she needed, the Cipher. She couldn't say it was helping her understand the Prothean visions any better; it had, in fact, increased her headache. Her face was pale and her brows were drawn down; her face was in a slight grimace from the effort it took to pay attention to the debrief. There was too much pain rolling around in her head. Today was the anniversary. The anniversary of Akuze and the guilt and pain inside had doubled for the occasion. Add to that the meeting with Toombs, and Shepard couldn't focus on anything but the pain. She was almost amazed she had gotten through Feros at all, she was so distracted. Even the asari Shiala had felt the darkness roll through the meld when she was giving Shepard the Cipher; she had given Shepard a strange look and backed away quickly.

It was a moment before Shepard realized Liara had been speaking to her, and waiting on a response.

"Oh, what? I'm sorry; I need you to repeat that," Shepard said.

"I was suggesting that I meld my mind with yours, like you did with the other asari. This one would necessarily be deeper, but I might be able to help your mind make sense of the visions," Liara offered. Shepard considered the idea, but knew she would say yes. She had to do it if it would help the mission, but also wasn't about to do this in front of the whole crew.

"Alright. But I think this warrants a little privacy. Crew dismissed," Shepard said. Her team filed out reluctantly, obviously curious about what would happen. It was only Ashley that looked suspicious instead of curious; Shepard gave her a reassuring nod as she filed out of the room.

Liara now stood across from her. Hesitantly, Liara placed her hands on the sides of Shepard's face. Liara knew she was crossing all of the commander's boundaries. Shepard stiffened, but the blue eyes looking into hers pleaded for trust and the hands that rested against her skin were soft, comforting. Liara inspected the face in front of her, feeling warm skin under her fingers. Satisfied that her survey was complete and she was ready to continue, Liara started to reach out with her mind to the human in front of her.

"Relax, Commander. Embrace eternity," Liara said.

Shepard felt the presence in her head and instinctively fought against it, but Liara was patient and waited briefly before gently pressing forward again. Liara felt the pain that bubbled over and spilled into her mind. It was an overwhelming darkness; she felt like she was drowning. She pushed against Shepard's mental walls, trying to escape to a different part. She wanted the vision, but she would take anywhere that wasn't this dark hole. She waited in agony until Shepard reluctantly brought a wall back down. Away from the immediate pain, Liara tried to send calming images over the meld; she wanted to quiet the creature currently ripping through Shepard's mind.

Shepard was surprised to find that Liara's presence in her mind was soothing and quiet, like Liara herself. It was like she had been standing in fire and now she sank into cool water. Her feelings of gratitude washed over the meld to Liara, and Liara sent back as much comfort and encouragement as she could. The darkness was momentarily quelled, pushed to the edges of her mind.

The commander's mind was complex and deep and navigating through it required a lot of effort. Liara knew Shepard wasn't consciously pushing her away, but humans instinctively resisted invasions on their minds; a strong willed human like Shepard was even more challenging. Shepard radiated strength from the very core of her being and that strength pushed against her. Liara felt like she was moving against a current.

Liara found the visions and pushed Shepard to open them. It was then that she felt the pain again. However, this time it wasn't Shepard's pain. It was more like a ghost pain, anguish. Images flooded across her mind, hundreds of flashes moving across seconds. _There was screaming. Death. So many are dying. No mercy_. The desperation flooded her senses along with the pictures until she thought her head would explode, but then there was only darkness. Liara oriented herself again within Shepard's mind, sorting through the flashing pictures. She had finally come to the conclusion that there was nothing more for her to find in the vision when she realized Shepard had dropped all the walls around her mind.

Liara wasn't sure if the slip was intentional, but her curiosity nudged her forward. Before she could stop herself, Liara went slightly deeper, surprised at the lack of resistance. Then, Liara was surrounded by overwhelming warmth. It was like rolling in the grass on a sunny day, or that's the picture one of their minds brought forward. Liara could feel how much Shepard cared for the other members of her crew, and how much it hurt to continually push them away. A lot of the warmth was directed at Liara, herself, she realized with surprise. The only blight on the landscape was a large, dark ball Liara sensed in the center. It radiated pain and guilt, throbbing in time with Shepard's heartbeat. It was like the initial darkness she had fought though, but compact. It was an old wound. Liara brushed against this, trying to understand. A new vision hit her.

_Dirt, so much dirt. It clung to everything. It was in her mouth and down her throat. It hurt to breathe. Somewhere she was bleeding; she didn't remember was it was from. She had no medi-gel and too much blood was coming out. She had ripped off her sleeves and eventually the bottom part of her shirt to bandage the wound. The material was soaked through in minutes. _

_There was no time to stop. She threw a warp at another closing thresher maw and it screeched before retreating underground to try another attack point. The other six alive ran with her for another cover. She threw up a barrier as thresher maw acid rained around them. Her biotics weren't going to hold much longer. _

_A thresher maw got too close; she hadn't seen its approach. They were running. Where's Elise? A hole; a hole where she had last been standing. Acid bubbled as it ate the dirt. No! She ran back, not believing. Don't leave me. Please! Elise, you can't be dead. Come back. Please come back. There was screaming behind her. The other men. The maw was above them, then dragging some of them under. The rest were corpses being eaten by acid. She had left them. She had been the highest ranking officer; she was supposed to protect them. Gone. _

_The darkness rose. Full of pain, guilt, and anger, it flooded her mind. It seated itself in her heart, giving her an energy she hadn't thought was left in her body. It told her to survive. Anger raged through her body. She was angry at the thresher maws. She was angry at the other marines for dying. She would not die. _

* * *

_I failed. I failed because I loved her. I will fail again because I love you. _

The last thought was from Shepard, not the vision. Liara broke the meld in astonishment. Liara, for the first time, saw Shepard feeling vulnerable. The commander's eyes were searching her face for a response. But then the commander's face went pale and she dropped to a knee. She started to fall forward and put a hand out to stop it, but then completely blacked out and collapsed. Liara screamed for help.


	7. Taken Down By A Plant

**Thanks to Belle Morte Rising, kmcmillen423, and a guest for their reviews! **

**We're finally at the moment where Shepard tells someone the whole story about Akuze. Liara got a taste, but this is in Shepard's own words. Anyone tired of hearing about Shepard's issues on Akuze? I was trying not to overdo it, but it's important to why she doesn't have full confidence in her decisions or friendships yet. I also wanted to make sure it was explained well enough, because when Shepard gets to ME2 she HATES Cerberus. It was something I found to be lacking when I played the games. Enjoy and let me know what you think!**

* * *

_Taken Down By A Plant, Picked Up By A Friend_

She woke to her head being cradled. Liara sat on the cot with her and was sleeping with her back against the wall; Shepard's head rested in her lap. Even in sleep, Liara's fingers curled into her hair when she felt Shepard try to move her head

"Shepard."

"Liara, what happened? What's going on?" Shepard asked.

"You were sick. Dr. Chakwas thinks it was some residual poison from a thrall. Normally, your body would have fought it off, but Dr. Chakwas thinks that two melds in one day, especially since it was your first experience with one, put your body under a lot of strain. Add the stress you're under, and your immune system was vulnerable. It simply didn't know how to handle a foreign toxin. How do you feel?" Liara asked, anxiously searching Shepard's face.

"I feel pretty normal How did you end up on the bed with me?" Shepard asked. She hated to admit how much she was enjoying the contact with Liara.

Liara looked a little embarrassed before explaining, "I just thought I'd stay here, and make sure you were alright," she said, not fully answering the question.

Shepard turned to look out of the medbay windows and saw that the ship lights were still dimmed. The rest of the crew must still be asleep. Liara stood to go back to her room, but Shepard put a hand out to stop her.

"Do you think you might stay? I think I'd like to have a friend tonight," Shepard murmured. Liara looked surprised but eventually smiled. She grabbed an extra cot and pushed it so she would be next to Shepard. Neither one of them spoke about what Liara had read in Shepard's thoughts. Shepard knew it was a bad idea to try a relationship with one of her crew; she had learned that on Akuze. But it was hard to walk away from Liara. Maybe she would have to put distance between them tomorrow, but tonight she just wanted her to be near. Once Liara situated herself on the cot, Shepard surprised herself by reaching out and taking Liara's hand. Liara didn't pull it away, and that's how the morning and Dr. Chakwas found them.

"Commander, you should be fine if you take it slow. Joker informed me that we will reach Noveria this evening. Now, that should give your body plenty of time to physically recover, and you can charge off tomorrow morning. But _only_ if you follow my instructions and don't push yourself today. I'm putting you on bed rest for the entire day; you may leave this bed only for a trip to the bathroom. If all goes well, you'll be in fighting shape again by the morning," Dr. Chakwas said.

Shepard grimaced at the prospect of staying in bed all day. Wrex was going to have a field day making fun of her. Shepard was also still a bit embarrassed that Dr. Chakwas had found her still holding Liara's hand in her sleep. No doubt Dr. Chakwas had expected Liara to relocate to her room at some point in the night. When woken, Liara had hurried out on the premise of going to the showers. However, Chakwas said nothing, and Shepard knew it wouldn't leave the walls of the medbay. She held Dr. Chakwas in the highest respect, not only for her medical skills, but for her ability to keep information to herself when she knew it wasn't the crew's business. Like anyone in the crew needed to know how many times the doctor had managed to get Shepard to cry out while she extracted bullets and shrapnel, or that Shepard had needed a hand to hold on what was truly a terrible night.

Shepard slumped against the pillows, trying to think what she was going to do all day. She didn't get to think long before the hulking shape of Wrex pushed through the doorway.

"Shepard!" Wrex looked her over. "You look fine, not even a new scar. Why are you still in that bed?"

Dr. Chakwas interrupted, "The commander is on bed rest, with emphasis on the word rest. You are not to goad her out of that bed, Wrex, unless you want us to have to orbit Noveria for several extra days while we wait for Commander Shepard to recover."

"You've got a point, doctor. We wouldn't want someone else to drive the Mako; we might actually make it somewhere without crashing," Wrex grinned.

"Please, Wrex, my driving isn't that bad. And I don't crash the Mako…often," Shepard replied.

"Oh, so that's why three of the four Mako tires were _melted_ by molten lava on Therum? You wanted to drive through molten rock on purpose?" Wrex said.

"Am I not entitled to a few mistakes? That terrain was tricky!" Shepard said.

"Ha! Maybe it would be difficult for a pyjack with its eyes closed!" Wrex said. Shepard had no response and just frowned in return. Wrex chuckled and spoke again, "Well, Shepard, I guess I'll let you get to that rest. Just thought I'd stop by to see the great Commander Shepard taken down a notch by a plant."

Shepard threw one of her pillows at his retreating figure.

She felt like she had fallen asleep, but the clock read that only an hour had passed; it was still late morning. Shepard woke to see Ashley sitting in a chair in the corner, reading a book of poetry by Walt Whitman. Ashley quietly turned the pages, absorbed in their contents. Shepard watched her read, her violet eyes soft with emotion. The younger woman was determined to be her friend. It was both annoying and endearing, almost like a younger sister. _Ashley doesn't understand what happens to people who get close to me_, Shepard thought. Shepard drew Ashley's attention by pushing herself into an upright sitting position. Her numerous pillows made it easy to rest back against them without having to lie back down.

"Skipper, how are you feeling?" Ashley asked, rising out of the chair to stand next to the bed.

"I feel a little tired, but that's about it. I hope you haven't been sitting here long?" Shepard said.

"Not too long, Commander. Besides, you know how I like the opportunity to read," Ashley said. Shepard had a curious look on her face, and Ashley sensed she wanted to talk to her about something. She waited for Shepard to make the first move.

"Ash, I find myself in need of some advice. To be clear, this is not an order from your commander. This is a request from…a friend," Shepard hesitated on the last word, but knew she couldn't back out of this now.

Ashley was surprised, but tried not to show it. "Of course, Commander, whatever you need," Ashley said.

"For this conversation, go ahead and call me Shepard," the commander said.

Ashley nodded, then grabbed her chair from the corner and straddled it backwards next to the bed.

"I am not an unkind person, Ashley. I don't take pleasure in pushing my peers away, in pushing you away. It is necessary. Why do you continually fight against me? Why do you need to be my friend so badly?" Shepard said. The lines on her face had never seemed so prominent; she looked tired.

"Shepard I…don't know. You remind me of my sisters, and you weren't friends with anyone else. Everyone needs a friend, someone to talk to. I guess I wanted to make sure you at least had that opportunity," Ashley said.

"What makes you think I don't have friends outside of the Alliance that I talk to?" Shepard asked.

Ashley actually snorted in amusement before saying, "Please, Shepard, you're the only person on this ship who doesn't take personal calls. I've seen you make only one, from your mother, and you weren't even happy afterwards. I don't understand why you don't allow yourself to have any friends."

Shepard was uncomfortable with the conversation, but all of her feelings had been building up for some time; she just needed to tell someone. Her mind went back to the feeling of being held in Liara's arms; her head swam with the intoxication. But she couldn't. She couldn't cross those lines. For the first time in a long time, she wanted someone to know exactly why. Maybe it was just because of the date; Akuze was on her mind. She knew Ashley was trustworthy.

"Ashley, do you know what today is?" Shepard asked, but continued without letting her answer. "It's the anniversary of my failed mission on Akuze. At this time six years ago, my platoon was landing on Akuze to find the colony had been deserted. The settlement was fine, not even structural damage, but every human was gone. We searched everywhere, but finally it started getting dark so we made camp. I woke disoriented, dirt was flying everywhere. I don't even remember leaving my tent. I had no armor, and I carried only the pistol I kept under my pillow. I finally realized thresher maws were attacking us, and gathered with the rest of the marines alive from the first attack. I was relieved when I saw Elise had made it and was in the group; she was my best friend. We had gone through N7 training together, plus several intense missions. She saved my life more times than I could remember, and I told her everything. There were only a few soldiers with biotics in the group, and even fewer that could send out anything strong enough to deter the thresher maws. Our bullets weren't doing anything against their tough skin, and we had no heavy weapons. We were lucky that someone was smart enough to send out the distress beacon. We started moving from cover to cover; we couldn't let the acid touch us, but if we stayed in one place for too long the thresher maw would just tunnel down and attack from below. Soon, there were only seven marines left, including myself and Elise. We had started with 51 marines," Shepard said somberly.

She took a moment and continued, "I was the only biotic left, and my strength was quickly failing. I couldn't handle throwing barriers over seven of us, plus coming up with a strong enough warp to hit the thresher maws that came too close. We had been fighting to survive for at least five hours by then and I started feeling dizzy. Maybe that's why I didn't feel the ground underneath me vibrating; this was the sign a thresher maw would soon emerge. I guess the others were just as tired, and we barely moved before the monster plowed out of the earth. Elise wasn't as lucky; she couldn't get out of the way in time. I was so upset, my tired brain convinced me she might still be alive; I could still save her. I ran away from the other marines and toward the hole the thresher maw had left in the ground, the hole where Elise should have been standing."

Shepard stopped speaking, lost in the memory. She had knelt at the edge of the hole, crying Elise's name, and asking her to come back. _Don't leave me. Please! Elise, you can't be dead; I still need you. Come back. Please come back_. Shepard had sobbed ignoring the screams of the marines that were being slaughtered by the thresher maw.

"I killed them. My responsibility for the death of those five men is the same as if I pulled my gun out and shot them myself. I knew my biotics were the only thing keeping the thresher maw away from them, and I left them anyway. I didn't even bat an eyelash when I heard them screaming behind me. I was so lost in grief that I killed five good men. Maybe I should say four good men. Corporal Toombs is still alive, but it's no thanks to me. Who knows? We might have held together until morning and Cerberus would never have gotten their hands on him. It was then that I realized my mother's lectures had always been right. 'There is no room for love in the Alliance,' she always said. If I had been able to control my personal feelings, those men might still be alive. Who's to say the same thing won't happen here? I let myself be friends with you, and later I care so much about keeping you alive that I kill someone else? I can't be friends with you and be your commander. It isn't possible, Ashley."

"Bullshit, Shepard," Ashley said, standing angrily. Shepard watched her with surprise, but couldn't come up with something to say.

"If I had let my mistakes or the mistakes of my family control my life I wouldn't even be in the Alliance. First of all, it was those Cerberus bastards that did this, not you. Second, those medals the Alliance gave you weren't just for show; what you did was damned impressive. Finally, you did the best you could with a horrible situation. Maybe you made one mistake and let your feelings take over at a bad time, yeah, but those men were probably going to die anyway. You would've died keeping those barriers over five other people and then they would've been screwed anyway. So you get up and promise yourself you'll never do that again. That's not what you've been doing. You've been making sure you don't have _any_ personal feelings to cloud your judgment, instead of working to separate them from your judgment. What your mother said was crap; there is room for love in the Alliance.

"In fact, I believe you have to love other people and your team to do our job. Our oath is to protect the weak. But why do we care at all? Why do we risk our lives for people we don't even know?" Ashley said, pacing beside the bed. "We do it because when we look into the eyes of a stranger that needs our help, we see our friends and family in their eyes. We see someone else's sister or son. If you don't care about anyone, you would look into their eyes and see…nothing. You would see a stranger whose life doesn't matter!"

"And what about when I value someone on my team over the people we're supposed to save? Then I've just set myself up to fail all over again!" Shepard said, getting just as worked up as Ashley.

"The best damn soldier I've ever known once told me, 'there's always another way'. Shepard, you follow your own advice and find another damn way," Ashley said, locking eyes with her.

Shepard was thoughtful before she spoke quietly,"Thank you, Ashley. I'll think on what you said."

"You'll get it done, Commander," Ashley said. She paused a moment, then bent down to give a surprised Shepard a brief hug before turning on her heel and walking out of the medbay.


	8. Little Wing

**So I hesitated before writing the mission on Noveria out. I don't like writing the main missions; obviously you could just play the game if that's what you wanted. But since my Shepard is in a relationship with Liara, I thought it odd to leave it out. Plus, it gave me a chance to have Liara show a little emotion on Noveria instead of standing there while her mother is killed. The point of this is: sorry if the writing is a little off for that part. Because I don't like writing the missions out, it was difficult to get it right. I meddled with the dialogue a tiny bit, so I wouldn't be completely bored. **

**Next up is Virmire!**

* * *

_Little Wing_

Her day of rest had passed slowly, but finally Shepard was back out doing what she did best: killing anything that dared raise a gun to her. They were on Noveria in the Peak 15 facility. It had taken forever to maneuver through that bureaucratic nonsense back at Port Hanshan, but Shepard did take delight in seeing that insufferable salarian arrested. Shepard had then driven the Mako out here, much to the dismay of Wrex and Liara. The mission was even more complicated when that Captain Ventralis tried to kill them, on Benezia's orders. The captain had lied about Benezia's presence down in the hot labs and then tried to kill Shepard once she had set off the neutron purge. Finally, Shepard and her team were headed to the back, classified end of the facility. The captain's men were around every corner, making their progress slow.

Shepard paused after walking through the last doorway. An older asari stood at the top of the steps. Shepard could see Liara's features in her face; they had the same eyes. The asari was dressed all in black, with a crazy headdress and a dress that didn't cover enough of her breasts. Shepard thought even Liara was surprised at Benezia's appearance; her eyes were wide as she looked at her.

"Why bother to come here, Shepard? You won't get any help from me, even if you did bring my daughter along with you," Benezia said.

"Liara came because she wanted to," Shepard replied. "No one forced her to come."

"Really, Liara? Working with the woman who plans to kill me? What have you told them about me?" Benezia said, surprisingly calm.

"What could I say, mother? What you're doing is wrong! Can't you see that? Should I have told them that you're insane? What could I say?" Liara yelled.

"Have you ever faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have," Benezia said.

"I can't believe you would kill your only daughter," Shepard said, pulling Liara behind her.

"Perhaps I should have been stricter with her," Benezia said, throwing out a stasis field that trapped Shepard and allowed time for Benezia's troops to file through the doors.

The fight was brutal, and wave after wave of new enemies kept coming. There wasn't enough room to maneuver and Shepard's fighting style was severely limited here. A mistimed biotic charge would leave her trapped, but staying in cover too long gave asari commandos time to sneak up on them. They were down to their last dose of medi-gel when they realized there were no more enemies coming. Only Matriarch Benezia remained.

"Shepard, you must listen. I have control for now; I sealed part of my brain away from the indoctrination, but it will not last long. The rachni queen had the location of the Mu Relay. Saren needed it to get to the Conduit. I put it on this disk; take it!" Benezia said.

"Why should I trust a word you're saying?" Shepard said, suspicious.

Liara placed a hand on Shepard's arm. "Shepard, I do not think she is lying. That woman before, she was not my mother."

"Why are you trying to help me now? Are you going to attack us again?" Shepard asked.

"I joined Saren thinking I could lead him down a gentler path. But he gets in your mind; it's his ship, Sovereign. I don't know how it does it, but it makes you want to follow Saren's will. I…I will attack again, Shepard, but it will not be my wish," Benezia paused; her hands flew up to hold her head. "Saren is in my mind; he whispers at my neck. His fingers are on my spine! I can't…can't! Die!"

Benezia whirled to face them throwing a warp that Shepard's barriers blocked. The older asari had been weakened by the earlier fight and it took only one shot from Shepard's gun to bring her down. Liara had seemed conflicted, but was now kneeling at her mother's side cradling her head in her arms.

"Mother! Please don't leave. Fight him!" Liara was saying.

"You've always made me proud, Little Wing," Benezia breathed. Her breath shuddered in her chest and then her eyes closed. The asari was gone.

* * *

Shepard closed the communications link, her weight resting on her palms as she leaned over the comm station. She had finished her report to the council; she also spoke briefly with the asari councilor about arranging someone to retrieve Benezia's body from Noveria to give her a proper ceremony. Shepard knew she hadn't intentionally become evil. Besides, she was Liara's mother, after all.

Thinking of Liara, Shepard headed down the stairs to the room behind the medbay. Shepard was dreading this moment when she was sure that Liara would look at her with accusation in her eyes. Shepard had killed her mother; she hadn't wanted to, but it still happened. Her heart sank as she thought of Liara pulling away from her, completing the mission with Saren and never looking back. Or worse, asking to be dropped off at the nearest space station.

Dr. Chakwas wasn't at her desk. The lights were off, but Shepard still heard movement in the back room. She opened the door to find Liara sitting in the dark, facing a blank computer screen. She wasn't crying, like Shepard expected; she was just sitting still and staring off into the dark.

"I know why you're here, Shepard, and I am fine. My mother and I had not spoken in some time, and that woman we saw today was not my mother. I will remember her the way she used to be," Liara said, still not turning to face her.

"She was still your mother, Liara. I'm no stranger to dealing with a distant and disapproving mother, but I would still be sad if mine died. You can't tell me you're over this so quickly," Shepard said.

"I think I lost Benezia a long time ago, Shepard," Liara said. Liara then turned around to look at Shepard. "Why do you care, Commander? Why open your mind and heart to me, when you've been so cold with the others? We barely know each other."

"I'm trying, Liara," Shepard whispered, walking to sit on the cot. "There are the best people I've ever worked with. I've just kept my distance for so long; it's difficult for me to open up."

"But not with me," Liara had wanted it to be a question, but knew that it was true.

"Not with you," Shepard said. "I think I fell for you the moment I saw you on Therum."

It was this that finally broke Liara, and tears started running down her face. Shepard approached her cautiously, and pulled her into an embrace. She waited patiently as Liara cried herself out, eventually moving them to sit on the cot; Shepard didn't let her go for a moment. Long after the tears stopped coming, Liara remained curled against the commander's chest, nuzzling her face into the space where Shepard's neck met her collarbone. Shepard stroked the top of Liara's crest and gently massaged the grooves that ran down the back of her neck; Shepard smiled when Liara almost purred with pleasure. Liara stretched up to face Shepard again, even if it was still dark.

"Shepard, you must know how I feel. But now, with Saren and the Reapers, we couldn't possibly start this. I would only be a distraction for you; I would keep you from your mission. I will not be the reason this mission fails. Besides, I….I have never done this before. I need more time," Liara said.

Shepard stroked Liara's crest again before allowing her hand to rest on Liara's cheek. "You can have all the time you need. I'm worried about my focus on the mission too. I promised myself I wouldn't push this. But the thought that you might get away from me, it was unbearable. I thought, after your mother, you would hate me. I would understand if you did."

"Saren killed my mother, not you. I don't think you have to worry about me 'getting away from you.' I don't think I could make myself walk away. This whole crew would follow you anywhere. I would follow you anywhere," Liara said.

Shepard broke the contact between them and stood up.

"Maybe this isn't a good idea at all. Liara, you don't understand. Knowing the whole crew would follow me into hell without question scares me to death. Never have I had such persistent team members! I couldn't keep my distance; you guys just kept coming after me. Ashley, Wrex, Tali, even Garrus! They made me care about them and I hate that I do. Would I let Saren go if it meant saving you? I don't know. Would I kill more innocents because I let my heart win over my judgment? I'm not sure of that either. All I let the team see is the confidence. I'm the woman who survived Akuze. I'm the soldier who became the first human Spectre. I've yelled at the Council, and fought hand to hand with a krogan. People think I'm not afraid of anything, but I'm terrified of myself! It's not so easy when the enemy is yourself, the voice in the back of your head doubting your every move," Shepard said. She felt her cheeks color with the embarrassment of revealing so much, but Liara had already been in her mind. Violet eyes met blue ones, challenging Liara to make an answer.

"Shepard, I am not Elise, and this is not Akuze," Liara said. "You are not the same person anymore."

The personal note struck Shepard and she found herself trying to escape the room on instinct. It took all of her willpower to hold herself still, and she knew Liara could see it. She wanted to be angry that Liara was using her own thoughts against her, but she couldn't. She wanted to run from the room, but Commander Shepard never runs away.

"I know this mission isn't like Akuze. But, Liara, I am the same person. If I were put back there right now, I think I would do it all the same. That spark of hope that Elise might be alive, it would get me every single time. I would never chose those other men over Elise, not matter the guilt that comes after. And that is why I don't let people get close to me," Shepard said bluntly.

Then Shepard looked at Liara and her eyes softened.

"Or I _used_ to not let anyone get close. I suppose I can't say that anymore, not after you and the rest of these damned persistent friends of mine," Shepard said.

Liara didn't know what to say. Instead, she stood and wrapped her arms around Shepard, holding her tight.


	9. Echoes Through Time

**The big Virmire chapter has arrived! The biggest thing about Akuze, is that I specifically wanted it to mirror the events on Virmire. Did I accomplish this? Was it too obvious, and therefore boring? **

**Responses are what makes my writing better! Help me improve for the next story!**

* * *

_An Echo Through Time_

"Ash, radio Joker and let him know to meet us at the AA tower," Shepard said over the comm.

"But, Shepard…" Ashley said.

Kaidan cut her off, "It's the right decision."

"I'm so sorry, Kaidan," Shepard started, but Kaidan interrupted again.

"It's alright, Commander. I don't regret a thing."

The radio fell silent and Shepard had only a few seconds to try and pull herself together. Liara and Tali followed behind her, their faces somber as the group jogged to where the geth had Ashley and the salarian STG forces pinned. The huge doors opened and it was a mess of confusion. Bullets flew everywhere; a fuel tank exploded. Shepard's team dove into the mess and they easily cleared the rest of the geth out. Shepard was relieved to see Ashley crouched nearby, unharmed.

Saren suddenly dropped down on his hover platform. He was obviously on his way to becoming indoctrinated, but couldn't admit it. When words didn't work, he started firing at Shepard, knocking her flat. Shepard recovered and threw her body into a biotic charge, flinging Saren off of his platform. They struggled against each other, but Saren had the advantage of superior weight. Any advantage of speed Shepard had was taken away by the confines of her armor. Saren gripped her neck under her chin and hoisted her into the air, dangling her over the edge of the building. Shepard couldn't breathe; she couldn't loosen the hold crushing her windpipe. She thought she was going to black out, but a shot from behind distracted Saren for just a moment. That second was all Shepard needed to swing a fist around and hit him square in the mandibles. Shepard landed right on the edge, the concrete digging under her kneecaps painfully. While she scrambled to stand up, Saren had already dashed to his platform. The turian then made his escape, and the hurting Shepard and team hurried onto the Normandy so they could escape the blast zone.

* * *

Shepard didn't leave the cargo hold once she embarked the ship. When she heard the bomb go off, a faint cry escaped her lips. That moment signaled the ending of a life. She had made the decision to leave Kaidan behind. It was her choice, and she chose Ashley. She wished her decision had had something to do with saving the salarians, too. That would have been more reasonable. The truth was that she couldn't make herself leave Ashley behind. She had done what she had been afraid of ever since Akuze. She had chosen to save her friend, without thinking of the mission. At the time, it had almost been easy; leaving Ashley to die was so unthinkable. But Kaidan was the superior officer, and was skilled in tech and medical abilities. Ashley was just a soldier. Objectively, she probably should have chosen Kaidan. Instead, she had run after Ashley and was damned lucky that she saved anyone at all. If she had left Kaidan there only to find Ashley was already dead…it was too painful. It was so similar to what happened before.

The pain and anger that sat like a cancer in her heart reared its head; Her biotics flared, licking around her body like flames. She didn't notice everyone quietly escape the cargo hold. The angrier she got, the brighter her biotics became until it felt like it was burning against her skin. Shepard didn't know what to do or where to let this energy go. Her gaze settled on the metal crates at the back of the area. Those would have to do. Gathering her strength, Shepard charged at them, letting all her feelings escape in a biotic blast. She repeated this over and over. Her body was an unfeeling battering ram. Then she would reach the crates, cover her fists in biotics, and fall upon the steel sides in a blood rage. Dents appeared in the metal with each punch.

Here, again, the darkness consumed her, projecting her back to Akuze. To her left stood Elise. Wait. No, it was Ashley. A thresher maw loomed over her threatening its spray of acid. She heard a scream to her right. Toombs cowered on the ground, surrounded by four other bodies while a second thresher maw got closer. She blinked and Toomb's face was replaced by Kaidan's. He screamed at her, pleading for help. There was only time to get to one. She charged at the thresher maw above Ashley, beating it with her fists. The crates became the thresher maw. She had to keep attacking before it killed her like the others. She didn't have enough biotics left for a warp so she used her fists. Over and over she ran, hit, and punched until everything was in so much pain her mind jolted her back into the cargo hold. Suddenly, Shepard dropped to her knees and felt tears stream down her face.

She wasn't sure when Liara had come up behind her or how much she had seen. Liara had a soft cloth in her hand which she used to wipe away the blood on Shepard's face. She now sported several cuts. One was above her eye and another slashed down from her collarbone. Still more covered her hands and bruising was already starting to swell up. When she was done, Liara gathered the still sobbing Shepard into her arms. She reached out with her mind: a question. Shepard nodded and suddenly Liara was there in her mind with her. Liara took Shepard's pain into herself and they both knelt there leaning on the other.


	10. Boshtet Councilors

_Boshtet Councilors_

Joker's voice over the intercom brought the two back to the present. Liara broke the meld and helped Shepard up.

"Uh, Commander? I know you're a little…um…busy, but the Council actually took your last report seriously. They're gathering the fleet to protect the Citadel"

"Set a course for the Citadel, Joker. I want the Normandy at the head of that fleet!" Shepard said.

Liara watched as the previous downtrodden woman stood tall. Even with the self-inflicted cuts and bruises showing on her face, arms, and hands, it was Commander Shepard who stood there. Indomitable.

"Shepard, perhaps we should go up to the medbay? We can put some medigel on those cuts and they'll heal up before we reach the Citadel and you have to speak to the Council.

"Joker? Do me a favor and muster the crew to their take-off stations. Say we need to run a systems check. I need some privacy on the crew deck," Shepard called, knowing Joker was still listening in.

"Aye, aye ma'am," Joker said. He didn't even sound guilty for trying to eavesdrop.

The two of them walked up to the medbay and Shepard let Dr. Chakwas patch her up, both from the fight on Virmire and her session with the steel crates. Liara sat nearby in a chair, lost in her thoughts.

"Shepard? That beacon on Virmire may have filled in the rest of your vision. If you would allow us to join minds again, I might be able to find the location of the Conduit," Liara said, excited.

"Alright," Shepard said, taking Liara's offered hands.

_Embrace eternity!_ Shepard heard it in her head instead of out-loud this time. Shepard focused on lowering her mental walls and Liara navigated quickly around them. It was easier this time; Liara already knew where to look. Liara stayed focused, determined to stay within the area Shepard allowed her and not to pry into personal feelings like she had last time. The same vision played again…until the end. There was a star system and some planets in orbit. Liara recognized one of them…

"Ilos! The Conduit is on Ilos!" Liara said, breaking the joining. "That's why Saren needed the location of the Mu Relay from the rachni queen. It's the only relay that connects to that system."

"Great, but Saren already has a head start. If he's going to get the Conduit there, he'll have his whole army circling the planet before they make the jump to attack the Citadel. We're going to need more than just the Normandy to get through that," Shepard mused.

"I guess it's a good thing we're already going to speak with the Council. There's no telling what the Conduit can do; it could be devastating if Saren uses it against us when he attacks the Citadel. They'll have to give you resources to go stop him," Liara said.

Shepard nodded as she began to pace around the medbay, planning her next move.

* * *

"But Councilors, the Conduit is on Ilos! If Saren gets to it, we're all screwed! The Reapers are the real threat! If the Conduit can bring them back, we should be going after Saren!" Shepard yelled.

"The Reapers are just a myth, Commander. Saren is using it to control the geth, and to keep you off-balance," Councilor Valern said.

"Besides, sending a fleet into the Terminus Systems would be an act of war. If Saren does intend to attack the Citadel, we will be ready; there is no need to send anyone to Ilos," Councilor Tevos added.

"Send me! One ship won't start a war. I can be discreet," Shepard said.

"You call blowing up the base on Virmire discreet?" the turian councilor asked.

"Commander, your style worked well in the Traverse, but this is a sensitive matter," Council Tevos agreed.

"Shepard, humanity had come far because of you, but now you're being more trouble than you're worth. The Normandy is grounded, and all primary systems will be locked out. No one is going to Ilos," Udina said.

"You boshtet!" Tali exclaimed from behind him.

Shepard heard Udina sucking up to the Council some more as she stormed off. She could still get past Saren's defenses around Ilos, but she needed the Normandy's stealth drive. She couldn't just commandeer another ship, and Udina knew that. Never had she felt so helpless.

* * *

She stomped up the gangway to the Normandy and stopped next to her locker. She gave it a good punch and then slumped into a sitting position against them. Shepard noticed her team had gathered around the corner and were watching her intently, whispering. They were obviously trying to decide who would go talk to her. Garrus gave Tali a push forward, but she puffed up and gave his armor a good smack while she shook her head no. Wrex just snorted when then considered him and Garrus's mandibles twitched with discomfort when they tried to make him go over. They turned to Ashley, who crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. Shepard heard something like, "hell no, I can't do mushy talks. The commander doesn't need to be yelled at right now." All four of them turned at once to view Liara.

"Shepard likes her," Garrus said.

"She's got the whole innocent and sweet thing down. I doubt she could make the commander angry like one of us," Ashley said.

"Shepard's rule doesn't seem to apply to Liara," Tali hummed.

"What the hell are we waiting for? Send the little pyjack over there," Wrex growled.

"It's not necessary to speak about me like I'm not standing two feet from you. I'll go talk to the commander, but I doubt she'll want the whole horde listening in," Liara said, pointedly looking towards the door. A few of them grumbled, but they walked off leaving Liara alone with the commander.

Liara walked over but stayed standing as she waited for Shepard to look up at her.

"Did you pull the short straw, Liara?" Shepard asked.

"I'm not sure what you need a straw for right now, but I could go get you one," Liara replied, not understanding the human phrase.

"That's not what I meant; these translators are so literal," Shepard said.

"I heard what happened with the Council. I'm so sorry, Commander. I can't believe their treatment of you after all you've done. I can't believe they would ground the Normandy," Liara said.

"I wouldn't even care about that if they would only send someone after Saren. There's nothing to stop him from reaching the Conduit," Shepard said, hitting the back of her head against the lockers in exasperation.

"So you're just going to give up? Commander Shepard is going to sit here and do nothing?" Liara asked forcefully.

Shepard looked up in astonishment at her change of tone. "I thought you were supposed to be the nice one," Shepard murmured.

"Sometimes being nice doesn't work with you. So tell me, Shepard, what are you going to do about this?" Liara said, putting a hand on her hip.

"I don't know yet, Liara. We're out of the game for now, but don't count me out just yet. I'll come up with something," Shepard said.

Shepard put a hand out, and Liara gripped her forearm to help pull her up. Liara pulled harder than Shepard was expecting and she stumbled forward. Liara caught her elbows and they stood close together for a moment. Shepard hesitated, remembering that Liara had asked for more time, but her eyes still flicked down to Liara's lips. Liara's eyes were slightly dilated and she subtly leaned forward. Shepard took the chance; her hand moved to rest on Liara's hip as she pulled them closer together. Their lips had almost met when Joker's voice came over the intercom. Liara wrinkled her nose at the disruption.

"Sorry to interrupt, Shepard, but you've got an urgent message from Anderson asking to meet him at Flux, that club in the Wards," Joker said.

"Were you spying on us, Joker?" Shepard asked, clearly irritated.

"No, ma'am. I just knew you were somewhere on the ship and thought I'd pass the message along," Joker said innocently.

Shepard looked at Liara apologetically, but not without a hint of desire in her eyes. "Duty calls, Liara. I better go see what Anderson wants," Shepard said.

* * *

**So I'm assuming everyone has played the games if you're on this site. That means this next chapter has to contain the sex scene. It's short and sweet (sorry if anyone wanted a thousand word smut-fest), but it is the reason I changed the rating to M. There will be another warning at the beginning of the next chapter, but if anyone doesn't like a little smut, you'll have to overlook a few paragraphs. **


	11. A Lighthouse in the Darkness

**Continuing the warning I added to the last chapter, this is the sex scene and it is lightly smutty. I don't write full smut-fests (yet) and I'm actually nervous that I didn't pull it off. I actually think adding a little smut helps fully develop the intimacy between two characters that is lost otherwise (it's also just fun).** ** In any event, those sensitive souls who gasped in horror at BioWare's controversial (ha) lesbian love scene, this is not the chapter for you.**

* * *

_A Lighthouse in the Darkness_

"Be ready, Joker. Anderson should be reaching Udina's office any minute now. The minute he unlocks the systems I want the Normandy out of here. Clear?" Shepard said. Joker nodded his agreement. Several tense seconds later, the Normandy's systems lit up, and Joker pulled out of the docking cradle. Not long after, the ship was on its way to Ilos.

"We're all good, plenty of time before we make it to Ilos," Joker said. Shepard gave his shoulder a very light squeeze of appreciation before turning and leaving the cockpit.

* * *

Shepard decided she would take the few hours in her cabin. She could have a moment to relax and try to plan out what would happen on Ilos. The stealth systems would get her through, but there could be any number of geth with Saren. It was very possible they would be overwhelmed by sheer numbers. Shepard's whole plan depended on Saren keeping a majority of his geth for the assault on the Citadel. With the Council warned about the attack, it would take a lot of firepower to cut through the fleet around the Citadel. Shepard started pacing around the cabin. She was nervous. Not only could everyone on her team die, but they could die and not complete the mission. Not completing this mission meant the return of the Reapers. Shepard shuddered. She wished she had a way to distract herself. She wished Liara were with her. Just as she was thinking this, there was a knock at the door. Liara opened it without waiting for her to answer.

"Liara? I was just thinking about you," Shepard said.

"And I you. Shepard," Liara paused, "do you remember our previous discussions? What I said before, about not being ready and focusing on the mission, I've changed my mind. I care about you and we could die in the next few hours. And if that happens I don't want to regret anything, especially when it comes to you. Join with me, Shepard."

"I don't want to push you into anything you aren't ready for, regardless of what might happen on Ilos. We've joined before; is this different?" Shepard asked.

"Those were not true joinings. The mating," Liara blushed as she said the word, "bond is much different. Two become one. It transcends time and space. And when we separate, we will always be a part of each other."

"Liara, this sounds incredibly serious," Shepard said and reached forward to grab Liara's hands. "You know I want this. I would treasure any part of you that you wanted to give me. But I want you to be sure."

"Shepard, I have never been more sure of anything in my life."

Shepard pulled her into an embrace and their lips crashed against each other. Shepard lifted Liara and felt Liara wrap her legs around her waist as she walked them to the bed. Shepard was intensely aware that this was Liara's first time, and she wanted her to enjoy it from beginning to end.

Shepard leaned at the waist and laid Liara down on the bed, but remained standing over her. She had unzipped the back of Liara's scientist apparel while walking and began removing one of Liara's arms from it. Liara's eyes tensed with uncertainty and nervousness, so Shepard began soft kisses on each new piece of skin she revealed. First her shoulder, then the crease of her elbow, and then her wrist. Shepard pulled Liara's top down and kissed her collarbone. Shepard made a noise of delight when she revealed her breasts, stopping to kiss and swirl her tongue around each tip. Liara moaned and pulled the rest of her shirt off, before pulling the commander's mouth to hers again. It was Shepard that pulled away to continue her explorations. She removed Liara's pants, quickly this time, but stopped to admire her azure when it was finally revealed. Shepard felt the heat start to build in her lower abdomen.

After that first moment of uncertainty, Liara never faltered. Standing up from the bed she did her own undressing of the commander. She followed Shepard's example, moving her mouth to each new piece of skin. She admired the beautiful pale skin contrasting against her own blue. She pressed Shepard's naked hips against her own, reveling in the feel of their bare skin together. Shepard used the opportunity to pick her up and wrap Liara's legs around her again. Liara gasped at being so deliciously exposed and pressed against the commander. Liara's eyes swirled black as she felt two fingers massage her sensitive clit before entering her. They tumbled onto the bed.

* * *

When Shepard woke, it was with Liara in her arms. She smiled at the memory of last night and at the feel of the asari in her arms. If she didn't have something to fight for before, she did now. Shepard nuzzled her face into Liara's neck, breathing in her sweet scent. Her soft, blue skin was smooth against her face and Shepard stayed like that a few moments. She decided she needed to get up; they must almost be to Ilos by now. Even once she was out of the bed, she couldn't tear her eyes away from the asari sleeping peacefully on the bed. She was suddenly struck by the profound sense that she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve the bundle of beauty and compassion that was Liara T'Soni. Even with the meld gone, she could feel Liara there; she was a little ball of light in the back of Shepard's mind, ready to be called forward at any moment. It filled her with warmth and happiness; Liara was now the lighthouse to her darkness. Shepard just hoped the piece of her that Liara now carried was equally as precious, and not a burden.

Liara started to wake and felt out with an arm, looking for Shepard. Shepard stood up and knelt on the bed to wake Liara fully with a kiss.

"Is it time already?" Liara asked, clearly disappointed.

Shepard nodded, just staring into her eyes.

"Shepard, that was incredible. I.." Liara started, but was cut off by a voice over the intercom.

"Five minutes until the Mu Relay, Commander," Joker said.

"Looks like we have to go back to the real world," Shepard sighed, planting a quick kiss before standing up.

"I just have to say, Commander, thank you. Thank you for everything," Liara said.

"If there were any thanks to be given, it should be from me to you, Liara. There are no words," Shepard said. She leaned in to kiss Liara again and playfully let a hand wander down between her thighs. Liara moaned and gently bit the commander's bottom lip. Then she rolled Shepard underneath her and kissed her before climbing off the bed and leaving to get ready for Ilos.


	12. Wait For Me

**Here it is: the end. I decided I would write the sequel and publish as I go, instead of writing everything and publishing as I edit. So there shouldn't be too much wait before you get the first chapter of the sequel, but the chapters definitely won't roll out as fast as these did. I would have to be a maniac with the keyboard and not be in college to manage that. I hope you loved the story as much as I loved writing it!**

* * *

_Wait For Me_

"Ground team, meet me in the cargo bay," Shepard sent out over the intercom. She had chosen Wrex and Ashley for this mission. While Tali's tech skills were invaluable, she decided she needed some heavy hitters for the large ground force she was expecting. Shepard had just walked up to the Mako, where Ashley and Wrex were waiting, when she saw Liara bound out of the elevator and come running towards her. Shepard saw Ashley's eyes narrow a bit out of habit, but knew that the soldier had softened towards Liara a long time ago.

"Shepard," Liara said, breathing hard, "I have to come with you. Ilos was a Prothean city! I'm an expert; you could need my help. No one has ever been to Ilos; think of what the Protheans could have left for us there! Please don't leave me behind, Shepard."

Ashley and Wrex visibly tensed. They expected Shepard's usual outburst when someone got too informal with her. However, they were even more surprised by what happened next: Shepard took Liara's hands in hers.

"I'm sorry, Liara. I can't take you. I know you want to see Ilos, but there won't be time to stop and study. Who knows how many geth Saren has down there? I need my hardened soldiers with me for us to have the best chance of surviving," Shepard said kindly.

"You've seen me fight, Shepard! I'm just as good as them. I would trade almost anything to be down there. You could die, Shepard. And then I would be alone. Please," Liara's voice broke, "let me come with you."

Shepard saw Ashley's eyebrows raise so high they almost came off her head. Wrex was pretending not to care, but his interest was definitely peaked and Shepard found herself wishing they could have had this conversation without the audience. Shepard gently kissed Liara, cutting off the beginning of her tears. She felt the asari relax in her embrace.

"Liara, sweetheart, I can't. I can't walk into this with you next to me. You've seen what's in my head. I might let this whole mission fail if I think for a moment that you're in danger. I wouldn't be able to focus. So, please, stay here. Wait for me. I promise I'll come back to you, no matter what it takes," Shepard said.

"I'll hold you to that, Commander," Liara said, before capturing her lips for another kiss.

Shepard's arms actually ached when she had to let her go and board the Mako. She buckled herself in, aware of Ashley and Wrex looking at her intently. Ashley broke the silence.

"So, uh, you and Dr. T'Soni?" Ashley asked.

Shepard nodded and then broke out into the first genuine smile Ashley had ever seen on the Commander's face. Then the Mako went roaring out of the Normandy for the air drop.

* * *

That ugly statue in the Presidium had been the other half of the Conduit. Shepard couldn't remember how many times she had walked past it as she went about her business. She didn't really understand how the Protheans had managed it, but, for the moment, it didn't matter. She was finally facing Saren.

"I think we both knew it would end like this, Shepard. I'm just glad you decided to finally show up to what will be our last confrontation," Saren said.

"It doesn't have to end like this, Saren. No one else has to die! Sovereign is wrong, and deep down you know that. They won't spare us, even if we prove ourselves useful. They don't care about us or have mercy for us. Just step aside and I can fix this!" Shepard shouted.

"I don't believe that anymore, Shepard. After Virmire, I was given implants to strengthen my resolve; our previous conversation had me so obsessed with indoctrination. I know this will work, Shepard. I can save some of us, by my cooperation!" Saren said.

"Cooperation? The rest of us will never surrender to the Reapers. I will go down fighting, and so will your turian brothers and sisters! This has no honor! Are you not a turian? Fight this! Let me save them!" Shepard yelled.

"I…you're right," Saren screamed in pain. "They are too powerful. They will never let me go. I must end this! Thank you, Shepard, for allowing some dignity to my death," Saren said. Then Saren brought his pistol up, angled it beneath his chin, and fired one shot up into his brain. The body fell through the glass before thumping onto the level below.

Shepard had no time to deal with Saren's martyrdom. She ran to the Citadel control panel to open the arms of the station. A distress call rang out from the Destiny Ascension: they were overwhelmed and the Council was on board. A comm link from Joker followed soon after.

"Shepard, is that you? I've got the whole fifth fleet here with me. Unlock the relays and we can save the Ascension," Joker said.

"Save the Council? Why? Let them rot; they never did anything for you. We need the extra firepower to concentrate on Sovereign. Don't waste ships on those idiots," Wrex grunted.

Ashley shifted from one foot to the other. "I'm with Wrex. Why should we waste human lives on the Council?"

"Look, I'm no fan of the Council either. But they've kept this galaxy running peacefully for centuries. Who knows what a new Council would do? The time we waste stabilizing power after this is time not used preparing for the rest of the Reapers," Shepard said. "Joker, I'm unlocking the relays now. Get here and save the Destiny Ascension."

"The cavalry had arrived!" Shepard heard Joker shout as the fifth fleet appeared over the Citadel. Shepard felt her heart leap noticeably in her throat. The ship formation was beautiful in its power. Shepard felt a kind of pride that the upstart humans were now turning the tide of the battle. The Ascension was quickly cleared of enemies and the fleet turned to focus on Sovereign.

* * *

The large debris that had come flying into the Tower had knocked her cold for a few minutes. Shepard tried to move, but groaned when she tried to move her arm. It was definitely broken. Medi-gel wasn't going to do much for a broken bone. Shepard gritted her teeth and began to dig herself out of the rubble with her other arm.

Liara shouted Shepard's name, searching the tower for the commander. She had convinced Anderson and the C-Sec officers to allow her up with them. Another shout drew her attention, "Here, they're over here!" Liara practically tripped over herself running to where the C-Sec officer was calling. Under several large metal beams, sat Ashley and Wrex, unharmed. Only Ashley and Wrex. Liara's heart dropped. She heard Anderson ask them where the commander was and they both looked behind them. The object of their gaze was a large piece of Sovereign, piercing straight through the center of the audience hall. Liara gasped, a sob catching in her throat, before she charged forward.

"Liara! She's not there. We looked," Ashley called after her.

"I don't care," Liara shouted back. "Shepard promised to come back. She wouldn't die. Not now. Not after everything we've done!"

It was then that Liara saw Commander Shepard appear from behind a pile of rubble. She was holding an obviously broken arm, but smiling. Liara ran forward, throwing her arms around her neck, but careful to avoid the injured arm. She pressed her face into Shepard's shoulder, ignoring the dirt and blood. She was surrounded by Shepard, and nothing else mattered.

Shepard held Liara close. They had done it; Sovereign was defeated. Shepard leaned in and whispered, "I will always come back to you, Liara T'Soni, if only you wait for me."

**The End**


End file.
